In a post to the parenting site’s Am I Being Unreasonable? (AIBU) forum on November 27, user NamechBge wrote that her “husband’s male friend’s brother” was getting married overseas. As it’s a “small wedding,” her husband is invited, but she and their child are not.
Along with her anger over not being invited, the poster is worried about her husband’s single female friends, who are also attending.
However, Mumsnet users told her to be more concerned about her husband’s attitude towards her and their baby, and the fact that he is willing to put their family vacation at risk to party abroad without her.
Is it Rude not to Invite Plus-Ones to Your Wedding?
Ellie Durbin, wedding planner and founder of The Aisle Assistant, told Newsweek that plus-ones are a contentious topic.
“While the question of giving guests the chance to invite a guest or plus-one is often debated, when a couple is married, I don’t really see a scenario where the spouse shouldn’t be invited,” Durbin said.
“No matter how small the wedding is, the people committed to your nearest and dearest friends and family are part of the package.”
Nevertheless, bringing a plus-one when you’ve been told not to is also considered a cardinal wedding-guest sin, along with showing up late to the ceremony and ignoring the dress code.
If you’re one-in-four of engaged couples opting for a destination wedding and are struggling over whom to invite, start by making two lists—one filled with VIPs, and another with people you would like to include if possible.
An easy way to cut down your second list is to remove anyone you have not spoken to in a year, or to consider whether you’d invite them to another special or personal event, such as your birthday party.
‘We Don’t Always Have to Do Everything Together’
In her post, NamechBge wrote that her husband is flying out a week before the ceremony to hang out as a group, including a few “female friends.”
“[They] have planned to all do day trips together, hang out, stay in the same hotel etc,” the poster wrote.
“AIBU to feel a bit uneasy? No trust issues but they are all single and he is the only married one.”
However, she is also concerned about the impact her husband’s plans will have on their upcoming family vacation.
“We already planned to go abroad in that same month… now I feel like [my husband] will cancel those plans due to money & using up work annual leave,” the poster wrote.
“I think it’s a bit unfair he gets to go abroad and spend all that money but then it affects our first family holiday plans.”
Mumsnet users wrote they wouldn’t be too worried about the female friends, but would be angry if their husband let a friend’s wedding ruin a family vacation.
“Id be raging if he cancelled the holiday but women being in a group of friends isn’t something I’d give a moments thought,” commented Lastqueenofscotland2.
“The other women wouldn’t bother me,” wrote Ponoka7. “The expectation of being sole carer for your baby while he’s away, without discussion, would bother me.”
In an update in the comments, NamechBge wrote that she’d suggested that she and the baby join him for the trip and make it a family vacation, but not come along to the ceremony. However, her husband turned her down.
“[My husband] said ‘we don’t always have to do everything together,’” the poster added.
“Also, [our child] will be 10 months old at the time, so we can’t do all the day trips etc they’ve planned. I would be happy just hanging around the hotel pool but still, [he] just wants to go on his own and enjoy with his friends…”
After reading her update, many users wrote that the husband was looking for an excuse to “go on a single person’s holiday.”
“Or he would have taken you up on the offer for you to tag along but not attend the wedding,” commented Mumsnet user Zanatdy.
“A whole week’s holiday without your family when your [child] is a baby is ridiculous,” agreed CantFindTheBeat.
“He wants a week with no responsibility, acting like a 19 year old again with his uni friends,” wrote Trees6. “It’s selfish behaviour, especially if it is not affordable.”
Others couldn’t believe that NamechBge wasn’t invited to begin with.
“It’s rude to invite 1 person when that person is married and has [a child],” posted Merlott.
“Incredibly rude to not invite you and your child (or you, at least),” wrote MrsSkylerWhite. “They may be old friends but he’s not a single man any more.”
“Your [husband] is attending the wedding of a friend’s brother, and yet this is a ‘small’ wedding - how’s that working then?” asked unfortunateevents. “If they can invite people who seem to be acquaintances rather than friends, then surely you should also be invited?”
